How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
