was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
