hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
