Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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