hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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