Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
