well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
