dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
