mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm both gender and math confused
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
