Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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