but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
