Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
