I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
