She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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