whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cannot find my penis.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
