I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
