I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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