New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
