So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
