I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
