Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
