Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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