Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
