can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
