It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bring me that man meat
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
