You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
