May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
