my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
