She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
