I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
