So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
