Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
