I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
