dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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