Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
