So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
