I should be sponsored by Trojan
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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