wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
