If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
