he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
