I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
