I think scott just propositioned me for sex
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You smell like stripper and shame
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
