I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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