the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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