if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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