I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
