She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
