someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
