Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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