I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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