Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
